Someone is controlling or threatening me
Someone might be making you feel frightened, pressured, trapped or unable to make decisions for yourself.
They might be a partner, former partner, relative, friend, carer, colleague or someone you know online.
They may threaten you, monitor your movements, control your money, isolate you from other people, or make you afraid of what will happen if you disagree with them.
Sometimes controlling behaviour happens gradually, making it difficult to recognise.
You deserve to feel safe, respected and free to make your own decisions.
Jacob's House can help you find specialist UK organisations that understand these situations.
Are you in immediate danger?
If someone is threatening to hurt you, following you, attacking you or putting you in immediate danger, call the emergency services.
999If you cannot speak: When calling 999 from a mobile, listen to the operator. Cough or tap if you can. If prompted, press 55 to be transferred to the police.
Pressing 55 does not automatically provide your location to the police.
What can controlling behaviour look like?
Controlling or threatening behaviour can take many forms, including:
- Threatening to hurt you or someone you love.
- Checking your phone, messages or location.
- Preventing you from seeing friends or family.
- Controlling your money or access to essentials.
- Making you feel afraid to disagree.
- Threatening to share private information or images.
- Repeatedly contacting, following or monitoring you.
- Using intimidation, humiliation or guilt to control you.
Not every situation looks the same. You can seek support even if there has been no physical violence.
Find specialist support
Choose the service most relevant to your circumstances.
Women experiencing domestic abuse
National Domestic Abuse Helpline
Run by Refuge, this free 24-hour helpline supports women experiencing abuse, threats and controlling behaviour in England.
0808 2000 247 Visit the helplineStalking and repeated harassment
National Stalking Helpline
Operated by the Suzy Lamplugh Trust. Provides practical advice and support for people experiencing stalking in England and Wales.
0808 802 0300Monday and Wednesday: 9:30am–8pm.
Tuesday, Thursday and Friday: 9:30am–4pm.
Men experiencing abuse
Men's Advice Line
Confidential support for men experiencing domestic abuse, including threats, intimidation and coercive control.
0808 801 0327 Visit Men's Advice LineLGBT+ people experiencing abuse
Galop
Specialist support for LGBT+ adults experiencing domestic abuse, threats, harassment or other forms of violence.
0800 999 5428 Visit GalopChildren and young people
Childline
If you are under 19 and someone is threatening, controlling or frightening you, Childline offers free confidential support.
0800 1111 Visit ChildlineVictims of crime
Victim Support
Independent support for people affected by crime, including threats, harassment and abuse in England and Wales.
08 08 16 89 111 Visit Victim SupportIf someone is monitoring you
Someone who is controlling you may be able to see your messages, browsing history, location or online accounts.
If you think your device is being monitored, consider contacting a support service using a device that person cannot access.
Private browsing does not necessarily prevent monitoring.
Changing passwords, disabling location sharing or confronting the person may sometimes increase risk if they notice.
A specialist organisation can help you consider safer next steps.
If you are not ready to report it
You can ask for information and support without immediately reporting someone to the police.
If it is safe, you may wish to keep records of incidents, messages and threats in a place the person cannot access.
You do not need to confront someone who is threatening or controlling you.
If you are considering leaving an abusive relationship or changing your circumstances, a specialist service can help you think through a safety plan.
About Jacob's House
Jacob's House is a UK signposting resource.
We do not provide counselling, investigate allegations, assess personal risk or operate an emergency service.
You do not need to register or provide personal information to Jacob's House to use these resources.
